When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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