So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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