Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
