and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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