I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
