I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
