We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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