How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
