making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
