her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
