Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
