If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
