Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
