He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
