he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
