Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Those nachos came to me in a dream
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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