So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
