I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
