we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
