Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
