I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everyone says I win the strip club
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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