I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
