I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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