I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
