I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
