I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
