about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
