okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
