oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
