talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
