Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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