The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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