I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
