Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My liver just broke up with me...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
