Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
