Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Don't make out with my wife yet
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
