I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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