Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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