i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
