She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my sisters under your porch take her home
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
