I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
