i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
