she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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