There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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