Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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