Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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