Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
