nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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