she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
