I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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